I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
