Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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