I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
false alarm. still invincible.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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