He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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