i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
