its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
