Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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