some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
