Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
