low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
