it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
