went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
