i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize