how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
