then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
