Someone shit on the floor
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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