so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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