I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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