How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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