If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
