it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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