Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize