One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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