god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
