haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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