saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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