dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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