What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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