i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
