If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
