No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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