i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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