I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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