take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
