i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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