i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
