It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
