perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
