Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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