his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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