I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
