just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
