I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
