Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
