Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize