I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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