That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
