tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
