he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
