I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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