We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
