My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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