my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
