this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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