..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
