Whod you bang
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
