Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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