Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
