btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
