She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
