we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
