Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
