we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
