Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
