One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
