one two three fourrrrnication!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When did angry sex become our thing?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
