yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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