farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
