my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize