Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am one with the molecules
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
