she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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