Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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