My liver just broke up with me...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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