My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
