Too much gin, very little bucket
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
