My nipple is on Facebook.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
