hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
