i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
