the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
