Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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