You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize