If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
