i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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