I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
