I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
