It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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