I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
