if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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