So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
