i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
