I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
