I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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