Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
