Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
