considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
