I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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