I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
