One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
