why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize