hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
