The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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