well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
