Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
