Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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