let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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