nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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