this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
